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March 23, 2009

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ms

Dear Fancy Fashion Person,

I realize that as an official “Fancy Fashion Person,” you probably love high heels and find them to be glamorous, exciting, and elegant. Well, I hate them. I hate that they make feet feel like they’re in a KGB-run prison. I hate that they’re so cute and don’t feel like sneakers. But mostly, I hate the fact that they make my legs look so much longer and leaner, yet I can’t bear to wear them. So, Fancy Fashion Person, my question is: Is there a heel-free trick I can use to make my legs look slimmer and more toned when I’m bopping around the city in summer shorts and skirts? I sincerely hope your answer does not include the word “gym.”

Yours,
Looking for Elongation

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